This post is about Bar Basics. This blog's usual readership is unlikely to need these pointers, but an earlier version of this post on Dinah's MetaGrrrl blog garnered thousands and thousands of hits from novice bar patrons looking for advice. We also strongly suspect our readers will have interesting additions to add in the comments.
GETTING INSIDE
- Have your ID out when you get to the front of the bar or club. They will almost certainly check it. Don't make a big deal out of it. (It's not because they think you look like a kid; it's because their liquor license will get pulled if they don't.)
- If you don't like cover charges, don't go to the places that have them. There are plenty of alternatives including, in many cases, coming in earlier (usually before nine or 10 PM). New Year's Eve can be an exception; the club spends a bunch on decorations and bringing on extra staff, so do a little homework first and go somewhere you can afford.
BEFORE YOU ORDER
- Decide what you will order before you approach the bar. Don't ask the bartender to recite the beer list - look at the goddamn taps, or the menu behind the bar. (Don't shout back to your friends at your table asking what they want. This makes you look like an idiot.)
- Know that you can only order and carry two drinks. If four friends want drinks, two of them should go to the bar. The bartender needs to see an appropriate number of drinking-age patrons to go with the drinks.
ORDERING YOUR DRINK
- Walk up to the bar. Any place with stools is fine. Many bars have an area set aside for the bartender to hand drinks to wait staff. It's usually separated off from the rest of the bar by two brass railings, and there's frequently a big rubber mat on the bar (which sometimes even says "Waitress Only"). Don't stand there.
- It's really easy to see what's happening at a bar and gauge when the bartender will get to you. Don't wave your hands at him or shout. Under no circumstances ever snap your fingers at a bartender for service. Just stand there with your money in your hand, chin slightly raised and watch him until he makes eye contact. Raise and lower your face quickly while smiling slightly (the same gesture you make when passing a co-worker again in the hall and asking a rhetorical "Hey, how's it going?"). The bartender will acknowledge this with a similar gesture or a wave. You should now stop staring at his every move, relax and enjoy the ambiance of the bar. Stay attuned to things so that when the bartender approaches you are immediately ready to order. It might take a little while, but a patient and friendly patron brightens the bartender's day and tends to get very good service.
- When the bartender says "What will you have?" state your answer clearly and if you are ordering more than two drinks, gesture at the person(s) with you as you order the third and fifth drinks. Good patrons who like the same drinks will order them in rounds so that the bartender can mix them together. For example:
"A Guinness, two Sam Adams, and three Sidecars, please."
- If you care about the brand of spirits in your drink, name it in your order. Otherwise you will receive the "well" or "house" version of that spirit. For example:
"Sapphire and tonic, and a Grey Goose Martini, please."
- Do not order difficult drinks when a bar is very busy. Difficult drinks are those with intensive steps in their preparation (e.g., Mojitos, egg drinks), many ingredients (e.g., Zombies), or special presentation (e.g., Mint Juleps).
- If you want to order something obscure, have an easy fallback order in mind. Always look for the bottles for the ingredients to your drink; you shouldn't usually need to ask, "Do you have Campari?". A scan of the bottles and of the drinks being served will usually tell you how complex your order can be. It is best to work up to a complex drink by ordering a simpler one in the same family first. For example:
Round 1: "A Manhattan, please."
Round 2: (noting the bottle of Pernod and being satisfied with the mixing of the first drink) "How about a Sazerac?" If the bartender unfortunately says "What's in it?", respond with "Actually, another of your good Manhattans would be fine. Thanks."
- Don't deliberately play "stump the bartender." It's pedantic and stupid. And on the off chance the bartender actually knows how to make a Mule's Hind Leg (or whatever), you'll end up having to drink one.
- Order appropriately for the bar you are in. Don't have a martini in a poolhall in a Texas college town; you might think that no one could screw up a martini, but you'd be wrong. (We speak from experience.) Get a beer or a Jack & Coke. Similarly, please don't try to order a Miller Lite at a swanky cocktail bar.
- If the bartender asks to see ID, show it without comment or rolling your eyes. They can lose weeks of pay when a bar gets closed for serving someone underage; don't endanger someone's rent payment for your drink.
- When the bartender comes back with the drinks, have your payment ready. Do not start a tab on a credit card unless you will be ordering more than two rounds. ATMs are plentiful; just bring cash.
AFTER RECEIVING YOUR DRINK
- Tip your bartender well. If you can't just hand over the right amount for drinks and tips, after you get your change, set the money on the bar nearer to the bartender's side than yours. Tip at least a dollar a drink, and at least twice that for drinks that are a lot of work. Tip in whole dollar amounts, preferably in cash rather than on your credit card. (Since tips are often divided up among the staff, cash is appreciated.)
- Always make room for barbacks to move through the crowd bearing their heavy loads of ice, bottles, or glassware. They have a hard job; treat them kindly.
- If you need to leave your drink momentarily (e.g., to go to the bathroom or step outside for a cigarette), set a coaster or a bar napkin on top of your glass. The bartender and barbacks will know it's not abandoned and will leave it for you. Do not abuse this courtesy by leaving it for more than 10 or 15 minutes and do not do this when the bar is very busy.
Bartenders and barflies, what have we left out? Belly up to the bar in the comments!
