"I'm on the water wagon now"
Words by Paul West ; music by John W. Bratton
Photos of complete sheet music from the San Francisco Public Library collection. A copy of this work is also displayed at the Museum of the American Cocktail in New Orleans.
The moon was shining brightly as I rambled home one night;
The trees made shadows that appeared like streamlets to my sight.
I stepped across them lightly, so I would'nt wet my feet,
But finally I came to one that took up all the street.
I thought I'd have to swim it, so I started to undress,
When a cop cried, "Here, young feller, I'll take care of you I guess"
I started to explain, but he exclaimed, "Come off your perch!"
That ain't no pend, it's nothing but the shadow of a church!"
(chorus)
I'm on the water wagon now.
I never get a jag on now.
Just imagine if some women
Had come by when I was swimmin'!
But I'm on the water wagon now.
One night I met a college chum I had'nt seen for years.
We razzle-dazzled 'round the town, and gave the college cheers
Until the sun was shining; then for home we thought we'd start,
But to our great dismay we could'nt tell ourselves apart.
At last we went to his address - or mine - we did'nt know.
We pulled the bell, and waited for his wife - or mine - to show.
And when a voice called "Well, who's there?" we cried in accents dim,
"Your husband's here. Come down and see which one of us is him."
(chorus)
I'm on the water wagon now.
I never get my jag on now.
Now I spend my nights in slumber -
I know both my name and number,
For I'm on the water wagon now.
One time when I was wrestling with the mighty Demon Rum,
The James Preserves attacked me, I thought my time had come.
Pink elephants and purple snakes and green ones too, appeared,
The doctor came, and oh, I saw blue serpents in his beard,
At last they got the lady who charms snakes up at the zoo,
She cured me very quickly and she took the serpents too,
Which causes me embarrassment, because whenever now
I pay a visit to the zoo, the snakes all smile and bow.
(chorus)
But I'm on the water wagon now.
I never get a jag on now.
I'm improving in my habits,
No more snakes or purple rabbits,
For I'm on the water wagon now.
One night, I never shall forget - I thought I'd leave the crowd.
They propped me up against a fence and went off singing loud.
The universe was going round, and everything seemed wrong;
And I was glad I had that fence to help me get along.
I hugged the fence, began to walk; indeed it seemed a friend.
But finally I wondered if I'd ever reach the end.
I walked and walked till daylight, when to my dismay I found,
The fence enclosed a monument, and I'd been walking 'round.
(chorus)
I'm on the water wagon now.
I never get a jag on now.
No more ring-a-round-a-rosy,
Round a fence when sad and dozey;
For I'm on the water wagon now.
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